Sharing Jesus: Life Is Full Of Change ! Some Good and Not So Good !

My life has been turned upside down beginning on Feb. 21,2012 when my Son committed suicide. So very hard to grasp the idea that your child was so unhappy that he no longer wanted to live. A few months later in July my Husband was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer, had a successful surgery, then suddenly had a heart attack in recovery. After treatment he was declared cancer free, an answer to prayer. In Sept. that same year my Son-In-Law of 25 yrs had a massive heart attack in the middle of the night and was gone, to be found by his teenage daughter. This was all too much for my Daughter, caused her to have a mental breakdown she was hospitalized for a short period of time. Today she is working and enjoying being a first time Grandma. Tragedy for me was not over, on Feb 28,2013, 53 weeks to the day of losing my Son, my Husband went to work and 3 hours later he was dead of a massive heart attack ! This brought me to my knees so to speak, calling our 7 children was so very hard, but it had to be done ! Through all of this my Family, Church Family, and close Friends helped as much as humanly possible, but it was my Faith in God and my Relationship with Jesus that ultimately kept me from losing it mentally and physically !
Due to Bobby's health we had discussed what I would do should he die, I had an opportunity to sell our place just a few weeks after his death. I had said I would return to the place of my birth, Holmes County,Ohio. My Sister had a friend who had recently lost an Aunt in the small Ohio town of Killbuck where my Mom and Dad were brought up only a few miles from my Dad, Mom, 2 Sisters, and a Daughter. Closed on my Texas property in May 2013, closed on the Killbuck house on June 15 and headed back to Texas to sort through 30 plus yrs of things. A Family Friend agreed to drive the 26ft U-Haul to Ohio, there was just enough for his small motorcycle which enabled him to have a vacation ride on his way back to Texas. God was preparing me for this big change in my life long before I knew it was coming. I had a Ministry to Victims of Domestic Violence which I had been doing for 15 yrs, I no longer really enjoyed what I was doing. It had become more of a burden than a satisfaction of seeing lives changed by His power. It was very hard to leave my Texas Family,Friends and especially my Church Family, but I had been away from the Ohio Family for 38 years, I was ready to move back.
On June 23,2013 we pulled into the driveway at my new home, the Contractor was still working on the upgrades, he would return 2 more times in Nov 2013 and Apr 2014 to get the changes finished.My Cousin pulled in the drive shortly after I arrived, she had food, drink, and helpers to unload the truck. So I was once again living in Ohio, with the change of having Family in Texas that I missed. My Daughter said a few weeks ago on her return to Texas after a quick trip for my Dad's Celebration of Life that the two states should be closer together.
I guess the things that have been the hardest is finding a Church, making new Friends which is not easy at 71, I have wonderful Neighbors and am trying to fit into a small town where most everyone has lived their whole life, I find it is not quite as easy as it was in 1998 when we moved to Buffalo,Tx.
There is 4 good changes that have happened this year, I am the proud Great Grandma of 2 Girls and 2 Boys. Would I have not moved so far away if I had known about them ? That I can not answer for sure, I have made 2 trips back to Texas in 2014, have another on planned for Spring 2015.
Thanks to a hard working Husband I am financially secure, I can travel and see some more of this great Country. Thanks to a loving God that has never left me, I am making my way on this new path of life without my partner of 26 years ! I miss him and often find myself getting upset with him for leaving me, especially when there are hard decisions to make or something needs fixed. Then again I can hear him saying,"I am not a Plumber, Carpenter, or Electrician ! I am a Truck Driver" !
I am attempting to move on without my Son and Husband, I will not lie, it is not easy, many a sleepless night the tears flow and the questions of "Why" ? One day I know they will be answered.
I do want to mention I did do a Grief Share Class of 13 weeks the latter part of 2013, it helped me tremendously to realize the feelings I was having were normal. Grief is a process, it can not be rushed, we each have our own pace, The important thing is to keep moving through it, not get stuck in the middle somewhere !
I am still living, Bobby would want me to live my life to its fullest, he was a friendly loving person, a little rough around the edges, but the heart of a Teddy Bear !
So as I sit here wishing Christmas was over, I am looking forward to the New Year. A part of me is excited to see what it will bring, the one thing I have asked and prayed about is, please God no loss of a close loved one this year. I know Death is part of Life, but for 2015 can I have Life ?

Willis Howard Miller Aug 11,1921 - Nov 18,2014