I posted this to my Facebook site this morning, want to share on my blog. My Son would have been 40 tomorrow, he committed suicide Feb 28, 2012. Has been so hard to know that my child was so unhappy that he took his own life. A healthy happy boy who somewhere along the way became an addict, fought to become clean and sober for many years. Had been so for a couple of years, he was still clean and sober when he jumped from the Balboa Bridge in San Diego. The last conversation we had 2 weeks before he said, He as so tired of the fight to remain so ! There are some things a Mom can not fix for her children!
December 31, 1974 I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of a baby, back then we did not know what the Baby's gender would be. I only knew I was 8-10 days overdue with the Dr predicted a large baby ! That was oh so correct ! At 11 PM that night we were on our way to the hospital, at 5:08 AM January 1,1975 I delivered a 10lb 4oz , 22 1/2 inch baby boy who I named Jason Dean Runnion, Dean having been my deceased brother's name ! The first New Years Baby in Wayne County, Ohio. This New Years will be much different for me, I know you would be happy for me at this stage of my life with so many changes these last few years ! attempting a new life far away from my Texas home and Family of 37 years, working on a new relationship at my age ! Never thought that would happen, life is so full of pot hole and detours ! There is still an ache and a sadness in my heart for you not being here where I can pickup the phone and here you say, "I love you Mom, don't worry I am fine" ! In my innermost being I know you are fine the hurt is for me now, after so many years of hurting for you ! Accepting your decision has been the hardest thing I have ever endured in my life, there is the promise of an eternity together, this I hold onto ! Love you Forever and Always, Mom
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